Beards Make You Hotter…It’s Science

Beards Make You Hotter…It’s Science
09/06/2015 Jack

It’s an age-old dilemma for men from all walks of life, that conversation you have with yourself each morning as you examine the overnight superhuman growth spurt of facial follicles that adorns your chin. To shave or not to shave? Well, it seems that science (yes, we’re as shocked as you are) has swung the pendulum and made our lives as men that little bit easier.

The white-coated folk of the University of New South Wales have found conclusive proof – OK we added the conclusive part – that the bearded man is, in fact, more attractive than his clean-shaven friend. But, before we jump into the science of it all, here’s proof of the beard’s hotness throughout history.

By the Beard of Zeus

Gods; all the good ones were bearded. Says a lot don’t you think? If the Gods could create themselves in any image why choose to appear as a fully bearded man with chiseled abs? It seems quite obvious when you consider that the Goddesses were a fickle bunch. Conclusion; beards – hotter than Mount Vesuvius.

Boy Kings Faked them

The Pharaohs of Egypt were known to be a particularly style conscious bunch, and when you become a king at the age of eight, you want to be in on the latest male grooming trends. So what do you do when puberty has yet to grant you your first man hair? Fake it of course. And once a king has given his stamp of approval to a trend, suddenly anyone with a bit of royal blood is sporting the strangely cool but ultimately ridiculous fake goatee.

Henry VIII and the Beard Tax

Another King, this time a little closer to home, brought the beard back into fashion during his reign. Henry was said to have had a magnificent golden beard that shone like the sun and dazzled those in its presence. In fact, it made him so attractive to the opposite sex that his entire court followed suit in the hopes of emulating just a tiny portion of his love life – six wives is hard to beat. But Henry was a crafty fellow and to keep the ladies for himself he decided to impose a hefty beard tax on his imitators much to the joy of the many barbers in London.

Historical Note – we’re not entirely sure that last bit has any truth to it at all, but we love it anyway.

Now if that’s not proof enough for you, lets get down to the science of it all.

Science has its say

That scientific study we mentioned earlier from UNSW has some pretty hard-hitting stats and figures. But, Jack the Clipper London knows you don’t want to hear boring percentages and numbers so let’s just look at the cold hard facts.

Women and men just can’t get enough of the bearded look and sometimes they simply don’t know why this obsession (or man-crush) leaves them gibbering like the proverbial lovesick fool. Apparently it’s got something to do with how their subconscious mind views men with various beard styles. Luckily for us some of those questioned were able to put into words the effects of the beard’s mojo on their yearning hearts.

Healthiest – The bearded man looks healthier, with that luxurious growth of curls forming some sort of magical protective shield banishing germs and viruses with apparent ease.

Best Dads – The quintessential perfect father is always bearded and thus bearded men make good dads. It’s not our study but the facts are hard to deny.

Manliness – Lumberjacks, truckers, bikers, all with testosterone levels of astronomical proportions. Need we say more?

And all of the above combine to create the final, most compelling find of the study

Most Attractive (read as hottest) – Yes they all said it, well the majority of them did, men with beards are hotter, more attractive, sexier, we could go on…So there you have it, ‘conclusive’ proof that beards do, in fact, make you hotter, but, that doesn’t mean you should go full Grizzly Adams. If you’ve learned anything from us today, it’s that a beard can change people’s perception of you as a man, so do the right thing and take care of your beard. Love it, nourish it and, above all else, have it trimmed properly by old Jack the Clipper.

So there you have it, ‘conclusive’ proof that beards do, in fact, make you hotter, but, that doesn’t mean you should go full Grizzly Adams. If you’ve learned anything from us today, it’s that a beard can change people’s perception of you as a man, so do the right thing and take care of your beard. Love it, nourish it and, above all else, have it trimmed properly by old Jack the Clipper.

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